uh... little help?

Why is it so hard to ask for help sometimes? 

In my work, I constantly remind my clients that there is absolutely no shame in asking for help.  I truly believe that.  Asking for help is a completely valid, noble, and remarkably intelligent thing to do.  As individuals we are not meant to possess the skills, knowledge and creativity to accomplish everything singlehandedly.  How could we?  It would take a lifetime just to learn everything we'd need to learn and there would be no time left for actually doing things.

And so I hear myself say often: ask.  If you don't get what you need, ask somewhere else - but keep asking.  And be proud!

Yeah.  Then it comes to me needing to ask for help.  Last night I asked for some financial advice and, it seems, some financial assistance as well.  It was unbelievably hard.  Beforehand, I would never have said that I was nervous or anxious about it.  But once I started talking, I felt my cheeks turn hot, tears came into my eyes, and I desperately wanted to say "uh... never mind" and bolt out of the room.  The overwhelming emotion attached to it was shocking, and I could never have predicted it.  As I'm writing this, twenty-four hours later, the same feelings are coming back... I even have tears in my eyes.

So what was that all about? 

Insecurity?  Almost certainly.  (Isn't everything?)

Frustration?  Yup, that too.  I was looking for input on a situation for which I simply could not find the criteria to make my own decision - and I had been trying for some time.

Pride?  Probably.   Especially given that I am 37 years old and was asking Mom and Dad for help... again.  Which, intellectually, I know is absolutely and perfectly fine; and we are a very close and pretty darn functional family so there was no drama or anything.  But hey, dynamics happen.

Fear?  You bet.  This was about money which, as I'm sure you've read in the papers, is pretty damned important stuff in this life.

On top of that all, I was very very tired and, well, every one of my emotions tends to come out of my eyeballs anyway.  As my great-grandmother used to say, "this family has its kidneys too close to its eyes."

So why do I still advocate for asking for help when it can do this mindjob on me, myself? 

In the end, I got what I needed.  I didn't get a precise answer like I was hoping for, but we did come up with ideas for where I could get more and better information to get me closer to my answer.  I got support - emotional and financial.  I got to learn a bit more about me, and a good reminder of how difficult it can be to ask for help.  Heck, I even got dinner.


While sometimes it doesn't pay off quite as well as my effort did last night, the other thing is that folks around you won't know you need help unless you ask.  Put the shoe on the other foot - if someone asked you for help and you could lend a hand reasonably, wouldn't you?  Would you think less of that person?  No.  You probably wouldn't.  And that's what they would do for you too.

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